yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
