PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
