Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
