i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Life is so much better after having sex.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
