I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
