you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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