He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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