Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You can't motorboat a personality
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
