i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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