but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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