I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
