I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
