so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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