Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
