You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
