He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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