I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
