Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
