you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
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