I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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