1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
