just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
