he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
