If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
50% drunk capacity currently
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
