dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
