It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
