I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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