I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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