I puked a lego.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
