o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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