Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
