Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Randomize
