I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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