Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
