I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
