not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
