theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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