Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
