So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
