party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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