I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
