you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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