She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Everything about him screamed your future.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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