I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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