Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
