and you said cock pushups were impossible
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
