your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
