there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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