just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
