I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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